Conversations with Strangers at Disney World.

Strangers talk to me. Or maybe it's that I talk to strangers. Is it me or is the heat or is it Disney that brings out the weird in people?



On the monorail to the Magic Kingdom on Friday morning:


Dad: Gesturing to elementary school-age daughters as he adjusts his very large body on a bench, "And we haven't had one good vacation day because of you two."


Me: "How long have you been here?"


Dad: "Since Sunday."


Me: "Are you from New Jersey? You have that accent."


Wife: "Us? No way. But yes, we are from New Jersey." Um, yes way.


Me: Getting off monorail, "Enjoy the rest of your trip."



British mother of three on bus from Downtown Disney on Friday night:



Brit: "I always leave my husband at home when we come here. He's the most pale person you've ever met."


Me: "Does he mind?"


Brit: "Being pale? Like he has a choice!" Howls with laughter. "No, he's a public school teacher. He's had enough of children."



American father to two girls dressed up as princesses on the same bus:



Dad, emptying contents of bag which appears to consist entirely of pink chiffon and feathers: "I don't even know what I'd do with boys." Then to daughter: "You're messing up your glitter. Stop playing with your hair or it won't look good when you get to the party."



Mother of aforementioned daughters and wife to pink guy: "I always switch to granny panties when we come to Disney during the hot months. Otherwise, you're chafing and you're out of commission."


To Disney employee at Saturday morning in front of Pirates of the Carribean:


Me: "What's on the second floor of those buildings?"


Hot and sweaty cast member: "Nothing. It's all a big facade. All. Of. It."


Me: "You know, you're kind of ruining the magic for me." Walks away.


Older woman on the monorail:

Woman: "What blood type are you?"

Me: "O negative."

Woman: "Well, you have to eat lots of protein. Lay off the carbs."





While walking away from fruity drink line in the French pavillion at Epcot:


Woman: "Where did you get that?"


Me: "The orange drink? Over there. She can't have one, though." Points to smirking teenage daughter.


Woman: "Oh I know. But mom sure can." Walks to fruity drink line.



Said to my friend Kristina at Epcot:



Country man: "Where did you get that parasol?

Kristina: Carrying bright red child's parasol, defiant in the face of fashion and the blazing florida sun "Over there. They'll put your name on it if you want."

Country man: "Well, I don't need that. You're the only smart one out here though." Proceeds to have a few more words with Kristina.


Me, to self: "I think this guy is actually trying to pick up my friend in Epcot. Smooth."

Two pretty blonde twenty-somethings on the boat from the Grand Floridian to the Magic Kingdom:

Girl number 1: "And then he called me at 2:30 in the morning."

Girl number 2: "Do you think he's after you?"

Girl number3: "He's my boss."

Me, quickly determining after a few more minutes that this is a weekend getaway for two local college girls, one of whom is about to take a summer internship. Turning around "Excuse me, but I couldn't help but overhear. He's trying to sleep with you."

Girl number 1: "Do you think so?"

Me, refraining from asking if he's cute: "Yep. How old are you?

Girl number 1: "20. But he's 37." Makes "eww" face.

Me, thinking this guy is either recently divorced or just a poon hound, in which case his company shouldn't have assigned an intern to him anyway: "Look, you're pretty. It shouldn't be a surprise. He probably doesn't realize that you think he's old." And doesn't say: He probably thinks you're naive. And easy.


Girl number 1: "Well, I don't want to ruin my career."


Me, snarkily thinking that if you're going to college in Central Florida and are twenty years old, you don't have much of a career: "Well, whose his boss?"


Girl number 1: "He doesn't have one."


Me: "Who do you work for?"


Girl mentions large, well-known company.


Me: "He has a boss and this company has a sexual harassment policy which you'll be expected to read and sign when you start work." Kristina and I proceed to give free advice with personal anecdotes regarding these issues.


Girl, seemingly surprised that two old broads ever experienced sexual harassment. "Thanks. I could never talk to my mom about this."


Me, getting off boat: "Good luck." And to Kristina: "I think I feel old. And she's going to sleep with that guy."



While in line for the Winnie the Pooh ride:


Woman with a four-year old dressed as Snow White. "I'm 53 years old. She's my fourth kid. I had her when I was 49."


Me: "Excuse me?"


Woman: "I'm still getting my period. Lots of my friends haven't had theirs for years, or they're really light. I knew when I ovulated. She was planned. People think I'm her grandmother all the time. I like to embarass them."


Me: "Well, that's very impressive." Notes daughter's resemblance to mother. "You're awfully fertile, aren't you?" Gives a bit of own, depressing infertility story.


Woman: "When I ovulate it's so painful I have to lay down for a few hours."


Four-year old, dressed as Snow White: "I've got a booger in my nose. Look." Attempts to pull nostril open.


Me: "Maybe you can get a dwarf to pull it out."





Handsome military man with an engineer castle tattoo on the back of his muscular calf and three boys in line for the Magic Carpet Ride with Alladin:

Man: "How old is your little boy?"


Me: "He's five."


Man: "So is my middle one." Points to massive child poking equally massive brother with plastic sword.


Me: "Wow. He's huge."


Man: "They live in Michigan with my ex-wife. " Proceeds to divulge divorce story.

Me: "Hehehe. Okey-dokey. Can I take a picture of your leg for my blog?"


Man: "Sure." Turns around and lifts up shorts a little.

Disney ride operator: "Anyone with just two?"


Me, raising my hand: "Oh, that's us." To strange man "Um, forget the picture. Enjoy the rest of your vacation."


Grabs kid and rides Alladin. Looks down. Divorced guy and one kid wave from below.



Woman on boat from Wilderness Lodge to Magic Kingdom:


Woman: "Stand still." Whips out can of sunblock.


Kid, whining: "What is that?"


Woman: "It's poison. I'm going to rub it all over you and then I'm going to throw you in the lake." Holds can up to me: "Want some?"

Woman with two children who are watching a cartoon in a shop with Eric.


Woman: "My husband could come here 365 days a year. You think that might be grounds for divorce?"


Me: "Where is he right now?"


Woman: "Oh, he's home. This is a mother's day trip."


Older couple with young granddaughter on monorail, about 11:00 p.m.

Grandmother: "Disney is a like a war. You have to go in prepared."

Grandfather, laughing: "Yeah, a war where they take all your money."

Me: "Hmmm. That sounds strangely familiar."

I LoveThis Picture.

And . .. cue familial support. Really, do these people look like they ever touch each other? For any reason? I swear, I've seen more genuine displays of affection between Michigan fans and Appalacian State fans than I do here.*

As you know by now, NC came through and Indiana was basically a tie. Yesterday I talked to a middle-aged woman whose 85-year old mother was thrilled to vote for Obama. And so was I. It seemed pretty historic on a lot of different levels.

Now if Hillary would just go home. Isn't she from Scranton or something?

*Shut up, Katrina. You know I hate football. I will come over to your house and unmatch all your stuff.

Knocked-Up Street

Yesterday I found out that five of my neighbors are pregnant. FIVE! There aren't even that many young-ish couples in the breeder mode on our street, so that number is pretty high. Basically, anyone with working ovaries is knocked up. Thank god I'm not still trying or I would have had to move.

It's funny, but even though I'm pretty much over the whole infertility thing, the news threw me off a little bit. It wasn't that I was feeling sorry for me, but I was feeling sorry for me two years ago. Which really, when you think about it, is pitiful. But I guess you feel what you feel.

Yes, I've been watching a lot of Dr. Phil.

In other news, I'M GOING TO DISNEY in five days! Yippee. But first, I'm going to vote for Barrack Obama. And I'm going to like it.

Take that, Miss Hillary "McMeanypants" Clinton.

Fifth Column.

My oldster-type next-door neighbors are going to vote for Obama in the primary even though they lean republican.

Why?

The hate Hillary that much.

Brilliant.

No Longer Toothless.

Poor Thomas. He gets dragged around by Eric, has his pacifier stolen by Sofie, and didn't get a single tooth until 10 months. He looked like a gigantic, bald baby. I'm happy to report, however, that he now has 4 1/2 half teeth and is looking quite handsome. Today he wore one of Eric's hand-me downs, a size 4T Backyardagans t-shirt. It's probably shrunk some, but he's getting huge. Now all he has to do is grow some hair, because he's still pretty much bald.

Oh, and those other kids? Well, Sofie is afraid of nothing. She's going to be trouble. She's also incredibly charming. And Eric? He won't stop telling us Scooby Do stories. When we ask him to stop, he says "but I'm a storyteller." His stories are very long. Very, very long. And confusing. And they frequently involve very large sandwiches.

In other news, you people are a conundrum. According to the "Pefect Vacation" poll, you either want to go on vacation without the kids, or you want to go to Disney, which I'm sure says something about my readership. So tell me, who are you? I'm going to put up links, so if you'd like me to link to you, let me know. Unless your blog is really, really weird. If so, give me the link anyway because I want to read. In the dark. While eating ice cream.

Personally, regarding vacations, I vary by the hour. There are moments when I would like to go somewhere with the kids and husband and moments when I'd like to go to a nice spa. Alone.

Today I got an email from a friend of mine from law school. Everytime I get an email from someone I used to know then it's depressing because even the worst students are fairly successful. While I wouldn't trade staying home with the kids, it's kind of hard to hear that someone who wasn't a very good student (the one who slept with everyone at the DA's office and Kristina you KNOW who I'm talking about) has her own law firm and a particularly juicy case (which incidently involves another of your former classmates who WAS SLEEPING WITH A CLIENT whom she represented in his divorce case. Guess she learned that at the Ouachita Baptist College, hmmm?), the details of which I would love to share with you but I can't. Anyway, I need a job. And yet I need to stay home with my children because they are kind of amazing and squeezable.

Really, this post had no point.

Oh, it was hot today. For some reason, I felt skinnier.

People of North Carolina: You are smarter than that.

By now you've probably all heard about the new ad that will be running here soon telling North Carolinians that they shouldn't vote for either of the two democrats running for governor because they've both backed Obama. And why not, you ask? Well, the ad shows Obama's former paster saying all sorts of unpleasant, really stupid things and that automatically means that Obama supports those things and if he supports those things (and his association must mean he does, right?) then these two democrats must as well, at least by default.

Of course, the national republican party and McCain came out against the NC republican party and told them that they shouldn't run this ad. This, of course, is a crock of horseshit. By coming out against the ad, they can have it both ways: One, they look like the good guys; and two, they still get their message out. Which is? Well, I'm going to tell you.

Their message has NOTHING to do with Obama and everything to do with Clinton. Anyone with half a brain knows that Hillary Clinton is the republican party's dream democrat. No one likes her. Heck, I don't even like her and I have been a yellow dog democrat since before I could even vote. By trotting out this ad now, their intent is to effect the primary, not the general election. If their intent was to do that, they would have waited until fall.

So really, are North Carolinians that stupid? Obama has a big lead here going into the primary. Will people really be swayed in this way? I hope not. My faith in the process has been shattered enough. Please tell me people are smarter than this.

(Would have been more articulate had babies taken a decent nap. Seriously.)

Get Back to Work!

Lawyers surfing the net during the day rather than working: Above the Law.

The comments section is much more interesting than say, studying for the Bar. Or cleaning the house.

Also, infertiles note the big debate on IVF coverage at big law firms. Keep in mind new associates easily make more than $100,000 per year plus bonuses (which in DC could top their salaries).

Warning: Occasional profanity, constitution mangling, and meanness abounds.